Why Boundaries Feel So Hard (and How to Set Them)
- The Verge Team
- Aug 11
- 2 min read

If you’ve ever struggled with setting boundaries, you’re in good company. We hear this all the time in therapy from people who care deeply, give generously, and often put their own needs last.
On paper, boundaries sound simple: say what you need, ask for what’s okay, protect your space. But in practice? It’s so much messier. Boundaries bring up guilt, fear of rejection, and a million questions like:
“What if they think I’m being selfish?”
“What if I hurt their feelings?”
“Am I even allowed to ask for this?”
The truth is, boundaries aren’t about being mean or shutting people out. They’re about making your relationships healthier — with others and with yourself. They help us stay grounded, present, and connected without losing ourselves in the process.
So why do they feel so hard?
Because many of us were taught, directly or indirectly, that our worth is tied to being helpful, easygoing, or accommodating. We learned to read the room before we checked in with ourselves. We learned to put others first, and to feel guilty when we didn’t.
If you’ve always been the one who says yes, setting a boundary can feel like a betrayal. But it’s not. It’s an act of care. For you and for the people around you.
Boundaries sound like:
“I can’t take that on right now.”
“I need some space to think.”
“I’m happy to talk, but not when I’m being yelled at.”
“I care about you, but I need to protect my peace.”
And no, you don’t have to explain every boundary in detail. “No” is a complete sentence. You’re allowed to have limits, even if someone doesn’t understand them.
In therapy, we talk a lot about how boundaries can feel uncomfortable at first. That doesn’t mean they’re wrong. Discomfort is part of the process especially if this is new for you. But with practice, it gets easier. You start to feel more connected to yourself. More at peace. Less resentful.
And the best part? The people who truly care about you will adapt. And if they don’t that’s information, too.
If you’re feeling drained, overwhelmed, or stuck in people-pleasing patterns, therapy can help. Let’s work together to build boundaries that feel honest, respectful, and true to who you are. Reach out any time.
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